Weeping Willow
Jul. 4th, 2011 08:56 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
anxiousalien.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
aliassmithjonesrating: teen
genre: slash
word count: 2,700 words
warnings: contains sexual content. please use good judgment about reading.
summary: A young Heyes and Curry story. Also a slash story with some sexual content—but NOT underage.
Weeping Willow
by AnxiousAlien
Heyes and Wright were touching each other, lying on a moldy lower bunk when Kid came in the bunkhouse. Heyes didn't hear him at first, and then he heard the sharp intake of breath and felt a rush of terror. Looking up, his hands stilled on Wright's privates, and he saw golden curls and wide eyes. The Kid looked shocked--and sort of betrayed.
"Kid," croaked Heyes in a thick voice. Kid scrambled from the bunkhouse, running, leaving the door flapping behind him.
"Damn," said Heyes, and started to scramble after him, more than half naked.
Wright's quick grasp shoved Heyes' hand back against him, and he came in Heyes' hand, a spurt of wet liquid. "Damn," he said as well, satisfied.
"Get off. He saw. I gotta--" His own needs only imperfectly attended to, Heyes scrambled off the bed, pulling up his draws and belting them.
Wright lay back with a grin on his face and his hands behind his head. "What's the big deal? He's gotta learn sometime."
"No he doesn't," said Heyes. "He's just a kid."
"He ain't," said Wright, with a grin that made Heyes shoot him a hard, angry look.
"Leave him alone. He's my cousin." It wasn't true, but it was a lie they'd told often enough to feel true. "He's my friend," or "He was my neighbor" just didn't have the same ring of conviction that blood ties did, when trying to explain their fierce devotion to each other. Nobody had ever been willing to believe they might be brothers, and even Heyes could only talk people into believing so much.
He hurried after Kid, long strides breaking into a run. "Kid." He found him down by the willow tree, near the stream. The nicest part of the whole ranch, and Kid's favorite spot. Sometimes he'd sit out here when the day was through. If it was nice enough, the rancher's wife would sit out here some days as well. Heyes knew Kid found that extra special, just being near a woman's softness, when he'd missed so much of it growing up.
"Kid," said Heyes, his voice sounding gentle and rough, apologetic and annoyed. He reached out for the hunched shoulders, and then drew his hands back. He hadn't even washed up, just wiped his hands off quick on a handkerchief as he ran. It was shoved in his back pocket right now, still damp with Wright's wetness.
"Kid, I'm sorry you had to see that," said Heyes. "It was supposed to be private."
Kid whirled on him, and Heyes saw with a shock that he'd been crying: bitter, painful tears, leaving tracks on his red face, making his accusing blue eyes look brighter than ever. Kid wasn't a big crier, and Heyes stared at the young-looking, reproachful face in shock.
"You never told me!" said Kid. His jaw was set, and, despite looking younger than his almost-sixteen years, he had enough stubborn anger in his face to fill a man twice his years.
"Some things are private," said Heyes. And you're still a kid, he didn't say. But by the flash of hurt and defiance in Kid's eyes, he knew his friend had heard it anyway.
"There ain't a lot of women out here, you may have noticed," said Heyes, sounding gruff again. "Sometimes a man needs, well--"
"You ain't a man just 'cuz you turned eighteen! You ain't any more of a man than I am!"
Heyes thought back to that first, terrifying night in a bordello. Kid hadn't done that. "What do you know about it?" Heyes' eyes narrowed. "You been doin' somethin' I don't know about?"
"No, Heyes, I leave that to you!" spat Kid, glaring at him with righteous wrath. "You--you liar!"
"Now hold on a second, Kid. I never lied--"
"You said you were goin' off to read--wanted to be alone. You said that a lot! That mean every time you--you said that, you and him--you were letting him touch you like that? And you were touchin' him?" Kid's eyes pooled large with betrayed, hurt tears.
Not just with him, thought Heyes, rather guiltily. He'd learned from several of the cowboys on the ranch, just how to use his hands to make another man happy, and get the same in return. "What's the big deal?" exploded Heyes. "I'm an adult. I can do what I want!"
"Yeah, well, I guess you ain't really my partner after all, just a liar. If you think you're so grown up, why do you gotta--gotta sneak around like that?"
"I'm not sneaking. It's just private," repeated Heyes, even though he knew very well he'd snuck around, trying to keep Kid from finding out. He didn't want Kid trying to grow up any faster than he already was, or being taken advantage of by any hard-handed cowboys.
Kid turned away, with a twist to his mouth, and a quick sheen of tears in his eyes.
"Kid…" growled Heyes, and ran a hand back through his hair. He'd forgotten his hat, and he still hadn't washed his hands--
Why was Kid taking this so hard, anyway? The tears made him feel guilty as hell, and the anger struck a chord against his own growing anger and frustration. At the life they were living. At the low pay. At being worked like dogs and told to like it with a yes sir and a smile. At the lice and the moldy beds and the backbreaking labor and the lack of freedom.
They were supposed to be on their way by now, had run away from the orphanage when Heyes was barely fifteen, and Kid still a dewy-skinned twelve. Hadn't he worked his hide off taking care of Kid, taking care of both of them? And now when he did something for himself once in awhile, Kid had to go and take it like that, getting mad and accusatory.
"You coulda told me," said Kid, his voice shaking a little. "You coulda done it with me instead of--of strangers."
Heyes took a little breath of surprise, almost a gasp. "Kid, I couldn't!"
"Why not?!" Kid whirled on him, angry eyed and demanding.
"Because--because--because you're too little. You're my cousin. And it's my job to protect you, not--"
"You think I'm little! I ain't! And you've been lying all these years when you called us partners! We ain't cousins, neither, or did you lie yourself into believing that, too? Maybe I'll just strike out on my own and let you--and--him--"
"Maybe you should," snapped Heyes, goaded beyond measure.
He didn't miss the quick, hurt look in Kid's face. Like Kid had been slapped for no reason, by somebody he loved. Kid turned away.
"Kid, I don't mean that," said Heyes finally.
The dinner bell rang.
Automatically, both hungry boys turned to go wash up for supper. Nothing could interrupt that, in ranch life. Sometimes it was the only reason worth living through the day--knowing you'd be filling your empty belly, even if it was with nothing more than beans and bread, some days.
"Kid, I don't mean it," said Heyes, falling into step with Kid.
But his 'cousin' stayed silent, stubborn and unacknowledging of this almost-apology. Heyes reached out to touch his shoulder, but Kid jerked it away.
They washed up side by side at the pump, not talking. Kid worked the handle for him when it was Heyes' turn. But all the same, he was a thousand miles away…
Kid's jaw was set all through the meal, though he ate as hungrily as ever. He was even quieter than usual, and when Wright asked him, rather laughingly, to pass the butter, Kid shot him a look of pure hate.
Heyes hurried to pass the butter before more words could pass between them. Kid chewed angrily, his cheeks puffed with a solid mass of bread, a glare on his face.
It worried Heyes sometimes, how much Kid ate. He must be growing, but you couldn't see it. He still looked about fourteen, even though he was almost sixteen and should be coming into his growth. He was just worked so hard, so damned hard. Heyes found himself getting angry about this all over again. Kid shouldn't have to do a man's work yet.
Maybe it would be better if he left. If he went back to the orphanage…
Heyes shuddered at the thought. Well, somewhere better than this, anyway… If there was somewhere better.
***
They did the evening chores, and Heyes wanted to find Kid again to talk to him. He wasn't in his bunk, or out front playing with a harmonica or a lariat like some of the men. Half afraid Wright and Kid had found each other and were going to fight, Heyes hurried around looking for him. Despite his tender years, Kid was the best shot Heyes had ever seen, and he was dangerous when angry.
It was so dark he almost missed him at first. When a slim, pale figure stepped out from behind the drooping willow leaves, Heyes jumped. He thought he'd seen a ghost. Then his eyes fastened on blond curls, and Kid's face.
"Kid?" He almost choked on his words, because Kid Curry was standing there, shy and smiling tentatively, completely naked. This wasn't a little boy going skinny-dipping--this was a little boy waiting for Heyes, with one goal in mind.
Heyes swallowed, hard. He'd never seen anything so absurdly beautiful in his life. And that scared him half to death.
How could he not have noticed? Kid was--perfect. He wasn't an old, scarred cowboy with rough ways and big demands. He still looked like a little boy, barely into adolescence, barely downy-furred down there.
"Well?" said Kid. He sounded a little scared, but happy, too. "Like what you see?"
Heyes swallowed, hard. "I can't, Kid," he croaked. "It's not the same. I can't--not with you."
Kid stared at his face, hard, his eyes narrowing. Then he gave a bitter nod, and reached for his nightgown. He pulled it on over his head, and let it flop down around his ankles, too big and ugly. He really oughta have some long johns instead, something decent to sleep in. But they didn't have the money to buy him new clothes.
He looked just as much like a ghost now--an angry ghost. "Then," he said, "I guess there's nothing more to say."
Heyes watched him go, tongue-tied for once in his life, strange confused feelings roiling around inside his gut. Kid was beautiful--and that scared him. Kid was so--little, and pure. Heyes couldn't contaminate that. He just couldn't, no matter how much it offended or hurt Kid, or made him feel disrespected. Kid had no idea what he was asking, anyway.
So Heyes let him go. Let him go back to his bunk, and sleep. He'd feel better in the morning, Heyes reasoned. He always was a deep sleeper, and he got proddy when he didn't get enough rest. He'd be fine, tomorrow…
Except tomorrow he was gone. And the day after that, and after that. Heyes wanted to go look for him, but the rancher, angry at one of his hands (even a kid) running off when he was busy, kept a close eye on Heyes.
And Heyes had all the time in the world to regret not saying something, and letting Kid just walk away without trying to talk to him.
He said no to the men who offered him the comfort of their hands. And he couldn't stand the sight of the willow tree. He cried himself to sleep more nights than not.
Then, finally, the watch let up enough for him to slip away from that hell-hole. He went to town, looking for Kid. But nobody would admit to seeing a blond boy. The trail was either cold, or Kid hadn't come this way.
Heyes snuck back to the ranch, stole enough to make up for the wages neither he nor the Kid had received, then ran.
He ran as hard and as fast as he could, from the memory of a little boy and a willow tree, and the other half of him that had gone missing.
For awhile, he looked in every town he came to, asked after a boy with golden hair and skills with a gun. After awhile, it got to hurting too much, even to ask. So he shut that part of himself away, a dull ache in a cupboard, behind a door than could smile and pretend everything was fine.
***
He didn't see Kid again for three more years. Then one day a raw-boned gunman walked into his life, looked into his face, and said with a flash of surprise in blue eyes, "Heyes!"
Heyes hadn't recognized Kid. He'd changed a lot, finally come into his adult height. Even though he couldn't be more than nineteen, he was now taller than Heyes. He'd gotten muscular, and walked with the confidence of a much older man. And his hair was more brown than blond now.
"Kid?" asked Heyes, stumbling over himself to catch the gunslinger's arms, and keep him from leaving. He searched that once-so-familiar face. "Kid, is that you?"
Kid nodded, looking flustered. Because this time, Heyes was the one with tears in his eyes. "Kid," he gasped from the deepest part of his soul. "Why'd you leave? Why'd you leave me?" He held tight to Kid, unwilling to let him go ever again.
"Because," said Kid. "I was mad and hurt. I was too little. I figured you were always gonna think so, and not just about that." He flashed Heyes a rueful, apologetic smile. It brought the memory of him back to life more than anything else. His smile was more grown-up looking, but still youthful, still boyish like Heyes remembered. And still beautiful.
Heyes held Kid's arms hard, trying to stop the tears tracking down his face, but unwilling to let go even to wipe them away.
"But I ain't too little now, Heyes." Kid smiled, apologetic and loving and hopeful all at once.
***
Heyes managed to wrangle a spot for him in the Devil's Hole Gang before the day was through. And Kid wormed his way back into Heyes' heart starting from that first moment of recognition--if he'd ever left in the first place.
A dry hole started to fill up again in Heyes, so he could smile and mean it on the inside, not just fool people.
And he and Kid found their balance together, sometimes slow and awkward as strangers, sometimes feeling like they'd never been apart a day in their life.
[[fin]]
Epilogue
"I never done this with a man. You'll have to tell me…"
"You're doing great. Here, let me…yeah…"
"Is it… like this, Heyes?"
"Aaahhh."
"That feels good?"
"Uh-huh. Oh, Kid! Kid!"
***
"Rest a little, Kid. Lean against me…."
"That feels nice. Your hand on my hair. You don't have to say nothing if you don't want. It was good."
"I know. For me, too. You're really something, Kid, you know that? You know I missed you, right? I looked for you."
"Oh, Heyes. I looked for you, too. I wanted you for so long. I couldn't find you, when I wanted to come back. If only--"
"Don't, Kid. Don't drag up the 'if onlies.' We've both had too many."
"Heyes, I got awful jealous… Don't know how… It hurt so much you had these things you wouldn't share with me. I already got so jealous when you'd…you'd disappear in a book and I couldn't get in. Then this, sharin' yourself with strangers instead of me. You were all I ever wanted. Even before I knew it."
"Me too, Kid. Oh, me too. C'mere… I love you. Do you know I love you? Hey, don't cry. It's all right… I got ya. We got each other now. It's okay, I promise…"
"Heyes. I. You know I--too--"
"I know, Kid. I know… Shh."
***end***
genre: slash
word count: 2,700 words
warnings: contains sexual content. please use good judgment about reading.
summary: A young Heyes and Curry story. Also a slash story with some sexual content—but NOT underage.
Weeping Willow
by AnxiousAlien
Heyes and Wright were touching each other, lying on a moldy lower bunk when Kid came in the bunkhouse. Heyes didn't hear him at first, and then he heard the sharp intake of breath and felt a rush of terror. Looking up, his hands stilled on Wright's privates, and he saw golden curls and wide eyes. The Kid looked shocked--and sort of betrayed.
"Kid," croaked Heyes in a thick voice. Kid scrambled from the bunkhouse, running, leaving the door flapping behind him.
"Damn," said Heyes, and started to scramble after him, more than half naked.
Wright's quick grasp shoved Heyes' hand back against him, and he came in Heyes' hand, a spurt of wet liquid. "Damn," he said as well, satisfied.
"Get off. He saw. I gotta--" His own needs only imperfectly attended to, Heyes scrambled off the bed, pulling up his draws and belting them.
Wright lay back with a grin on his face and his hands behind his head. "What's the big deal? He's gotta learn sometime."
"No he doesn't," said Heyes. "He's just a kid."
"He ain't," said Wright, with a grin that made Heyes shoot him a hard, angry look.
"Leave him alone. He's my cousin." It wasn't true, but it was a lie they'd told often enough to feel true. "He's my friend," or "He was my neighbor" just didn't have the same ring of conviction that blood ties did, when trying to explain their fierce devotion to each other. Nobody had ever been willing to believe they might be brothers, and even Heyes could only talk people into believing so much.
He hurried after Kid, long strides breaking into a run. "Kid." He found him down by the willow tree, near the stream. The nicest part of the whole ranch, and Kid's favorite spot. Sometimes he'd sit out here when the day was through. If it was nice enough, the rancher's wife would sit out here some days as well. Heyes knew Kid found that extra special, just being near a woman's softness, when he'd missed so much of it growing up.
"Kid," said Heyes, his voice sounding gentle and rough, apologetic and annoyed. He reached out for the hunched shoulders, and then drew his hands back. He hadn't even washed up, just wiped his hands off quick on a handkerchief as he ran. It was shoved in his back pocket right now, still damp with Wright's wetness.
"Kid, I'm sorry you had to see that," said Heyes. "It was supposed to be private."
Kid whirled on him, and Heyes saw with a shock that he'd been crying: bitter, painful tears, leaving tracks on his red face, making his accusing blue eyes look brighter than ever. Kid wasn't a big crier, and Heyes stared at the young-looking, reproachful face in shock.
"You never told me!" said Kid. His jaw was set, and, despite looking younger than his almost-sixteen years, he had enough stubborn anger in his face to fill a man twice his years.
"Some things are private," said Heyes. And you're still a kid, he didn't say. But by the flash of hurt and defiance in Kid's eyes, he knew his friend had heard it anyway.
"There ain't a lot of women out here, you may have noticed," said Heyes, sounding gruff again. "Sometimes a man needs, well--"
"You ain't a man just 'cuz you turned eighteen! You ain't any more of a man than I am!"
Heyes thought back to that first, terrifying night in a bordello. Kid hadn't done that. "What do you know about it?" Heyes' eyes narrowed. "You been doin' somethin' I don't know about?"
"No, Heyes, I leave that to you!" spat Kid, glaring at him with righteous wrath. "You--you liar!"
"Now hold on a second, Kid. I never lied--"
"You said you were goin' off to read--wanted to be alone. You said that a lot! That mean every time you--you said that, you and him--you were letting him touch you like that? And you were touchin' him?" Kid's eyes pooled large with betrayed, hurt tears.
Not just with him, thought Heyes, rather guiltily. He'd learned from several of the cowboys on the ranch, just how to use his hands to make another man happy, and get the same in return. "What's the big deal?" exploded Heyes. "I'm an adult. I can do what I want!"
"Yeah, well, I guess you ain't really my partner after all, just a liar. If you think you're so grown up, why do you gotta--gotta sneak around like that?"
"I'm not sneaking. It's just private," repeated Heyes, even though he knew very well he'd snuck around, trying to keep Kid from finding out. He didn't want Kid trying to grow up any faster than he already was, or being taken advantage of by any hard-handed cowboys.
Kid turned away, with a twist to his mouth, and a quick sheen of tears in his eyes.
"Kid…" growled Heyes, and ran a hand back through his hair. He'd forgotten his hat, and he still hadn't washed his hands--
Why was Kid taking this so hard, anyway? The tears made him feel guilty as hell, and the anger struck a chord against his own growing anger and frustration. At the life they were living. At the low pay. At being worked like dogs and told to like it with a yes sir and a smile. At the lice and the moldy beds and the backbreaking labor and the lack of freedom.
They were supposed to be on their way by now, had run away from the orphanage when Heyes was barely fifteen, and Kid still a dewy-skinned twelve. Hadn't he worked his hide off taking care of Kid, taking care of both of them? And now when he did something for himself once in awhile, Kid had to go and take it like that, getting mad and accusatory.
"You coulda told me," said Kid, his voice shaking a little. "You coulda done it with me instead of--of strangers."
Heyes took a little breath of surprise, almost a gasp. "Kid, I couldn't!"
"Why not?!" Kid whirled on him, angry eyed and demanding.
"Because--because--because you're too little. You're my cousin. And it's my job to protect you, not--"
"You think I'm little! I ain't! And you've been lying all these years when you called us partners! We ain't cousins, neither, or did you lie yourself into believing that, too? Maybe I'll just strike out on my own and let you--and--him--"
"Maybe you should," snapped Heyes, goaded beyond measure.
He didn't miss the quick, hurt look in Kid's face. Like Kid had been slapped for no reason, by somebody he loved. Kid turned away.
"Kid, I don't mean that," said Heyes finally.
The dinner bell rang.
Automatically, both hungry boys turned to go wash up for supper. Nothing could interrupt that, in ranch life. Sometimes it was the only reason worth living through the day--knowing you'd be filling your empty belly, even if it was with nothing more than beans and bread, some days.
"Kid, I don't mean it," said Heyes, falling into step with Kid.
But his 'cousin' stayed silent, stubborn and unacknowledging of this almost-apology. Heyes reached out to touch his shoulder, but Kid jerked it away.
They washed up side by side at the pump, not talking. Kid worked the handle for him when it was Heyes' turn. But all the same, he was a thousand miles away…
Kid's jaw was set all through the meal, though he ate as hungrily as ever. He was even quieter than usual, and when Wright asked him, rather laughingly, to pass the butter, Kid shot him a look of pure hate.
Heyes hurried to pass the butter before more words could pass between them. Kid chewed angrily, his cheeks puffed with a solid mass of bread, a glare on his face.
It worried Heyes sometimes, how much Kid ate. He must be growing, but you couldn't see it. He still looked about fourteen, even though he was almost sixteen and should be coming into his growth. He was just worked so hard, so damned hard. Heyes found himself getting angry about this all over again. Kid shouldn't have to do a man's work yet.
Maybe it would be better if he left. If he went back to the orphanage…
Heyes shuddered at the thought. Well, somewhere better than this, anyway… If there was somewhere better.
***
They did the evening chores, and Heyes wanted to find Kid again to talk to him. He wasn't in his bunk, or out front playing with a harmonica or a lariat like some of the men. Half afraid Wright and Kid had found each other and were going to fight, Heyes hurried around looking for him. Despite his tender years, Kid was the best shot Heyes had ever seen, and he was dangerous when angry.
It was so dark he almost missed him at first. When a slim, pale figure stepped out from behind the drooping willow leaves, Heyes jumped. He thought he'd seen a ghost. Then his eyes fastened on blond curls, and Kid's face.
"Kid?" He almost choked on his words, because Kid Curry was standing there, shy and smiling tentatively, completely naked. This wasn't a little boy going skinny-dipping--this was a little boy waiting for Heyes, with one goal in mind.
Heyes swallowed, hard. He'd never seen anything so absurdly beautiful in his life. And that scared him half to death.
How could he not have noticed? Kid was--perfect. He wasn't an old, scarred cowboy with rough ways and big demands. He still looked like a little boy, barely into adolescence, barely downy-furred down there.
"Well?" said Kid. He sounded a little scared, but happy, too. "Like what you see?"
Heyes swallowed, hard. "I can't, Kid," he croaked. "It's not the same. I can't--not with you."
Kid stared at his face, hard, his eyes narrowing. Then he gave a bitter nod, and reached for his nightgown. He pulled it on over his head, and let it flop down around his ankles, too big and ugly. He really oughta have some long johns instead, something decent to sleep in. But they didn't have the money to buy him new clothes.
He looked just as much like a ghost now--an angry ghost. "Then," he said, "I guess there's nothing more to say."
Heyes watched him go, tongue-tied for once in his life, strange confused feelings roiling around inside his gut. Kid was beautiful--and that scared him. Kid was so--little, and pure. Heyes couldn't contaminate that. He just couldn't, no matter how much it offended or hurt Kid, or made him feel disrespected. Kid had no idea what he was asking, anyway.
So Heyes let him go. Let him go back to his bunk, and sleep. He'd feel better in the morning, Heyes reasoned. He always was a deep sleeper, and he got proddy when he didn't get enough rest. He'd be fine, tomorrow…
Except tomorrow he was gone. And the day after that, and after that. Heyes wanted to go look for him, but the rancher, angry at one of his hands (even a kid) running off when he was busy, kept a close eye on Heyes.
And Heyes had all the time in the world to regret not saying something, and letting Kid just walk away without trying to talk to him.
He said no to the men who offered him the comfort of their hands. And he couldn't stand the sight of the willow tree. He cried himself to sleep more nights than not.
Then, finally, the watch let up enough for him to slip away from that hell-hole. He went to town, looking for Kid. But nobody would admit to seeing a blond boy. The trail was either cold, or Kid hadn't come this way.
Heyes snuck back to the ranch, stole enough to make up for the wages neither he nor the Kid had received, then ran.
He ran as hard and as fast as he could, from the memory of a little boy and a willow tree, and the other half of him that had gone missing.
For awhile, he looked in every town he came to, asked after a boy with golden hair and skills with a gun. After awhile, it got to hurting too much, even to ask. So he shut that part of himself away, a dull ache in a cupboard, behind a door than could smile and pretend everything was fine.
***
He didn't see Kid again for three more years. Then one day a raw-boned gunman walked into his life, looked into his face, and said with a flash of surprise in blue eyes, "Heyes!"
Heyes hadn't recognized Kid. He'd changed a lot, finally come into his adult height. Even though he couldn't be more than nineteen, he was now taller than Heyes. He'd gotten muscular, and walked with the confidence of a much older man. And his hair was more brown than blond now.
"Kid?" asked Heyes, stumbling over himself to catch the gunslinger's arms, and keep him from leaving. He searched that once-so-familiar face. "Kid, is that you?"
Kid nodded, looking flustered. Because this time, Heyes was the one with tears in his eyes. "Kid," he gasped from the deepest part of his soul. "Why'd you leave? Why'd you leave me?" He held tight to Kid, unwilling to let him go ever again.
"Because," said Kid. "I was mad and hurt. I was too little. I figured you were always gonna think so, and not just about that." He flashed Heyes a rueful, apologetic smile. It brought the memory of him back to life more than anything else. His smile was more grown-up looking, but still youthful, still boyish like Heyes remembered. And still beautiful.
Heyes held Kid's arms hard, trying to stop the tears tracking down his face, but unwilling to let go even to wipe them away.
"But I ain't too little now, Heyes." Kid smiled, apologetic and loving and hopeful all at once.
***
Heyes managed to wrangle a spot for him in the Devil's Hole Gang before the day was through. And Kid wormed his way back into Heyes' heart starting from that first moment of recognition--if he'd ever left in the first place.
A dry hole started to fill up again in Heyes, so he could smile and mean it on the inside, not just fool people.
And he and Kid found their balance together, sometimes slow and awkward as strangers, sometimes feeling like they'd never been apart a day in their life.
[[fin]]
Epilogue
"I never done this with a man. You'll have to tell me…"
"You're doing great. Here, let me…yeah…"
"Is it… like this, Heyes?"
"Aaahhh."
"That feels good?"
"Uh-huh. Oh, Kid! Kid!"
***
"Rest a little, Kid. Lean against me…."
"That feels nice. Your hand on my hair. You don't have to say nothing if you don't want. It was good."
"I know. For me, too. You're really something, Kid, you know that? You know I missed you, right? I looked for you."
"Oh, Heyes. I looked for you, too. I wanted you for so long. I couldn't find you, when I wanted to come back. If only--"
"Don't, Kid. Don't drag up the 'if onlies.' We've both had too many."
"Heyes, I got awful jealous… Don't know how… It hurt so much you had these things you wouldn't share with me. I already got so jealous when you'd…you'd disappear in a book and I couldn't get in. Then this, sharin' yourself with strangers instead of me. You were all I ever wanted. Even before I knew it."
"Me too, Kid. Oh, me too. C'mere… I love you. Do you know I love you? Hey, don't cry. It's all right… I got ya. We got each other now. It's okay, I promise…"
"Heyes. I. You know I--too--"
"I know, Kid. I know… Shh."
***end***
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-07-04 10:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-05 04:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-04 10:24 pm (UTC)I'm glad Heyes was careful not to take advantage. If he had done some of those 'if only's, they'd have been even sorrier, in the end.
And a good idea about the 'cousin' claim.
no subject
Date: 2011-07-05 04:18 am (UTC)The if onlies are about many things, not specifically their relationship, but Heyes' biggest one is that he didn't say something more to Kid than "you're too little."
Of all the times in his life for his silver tongue to fail him, it's when Kid needs talked out of feeling hurt, and out of trying something he's too young for.
Man, I should've put that in the fic! I didn't think to spell it out. :/
I'm glad Heyes was careful not to take advantage. If he had done some of those 'if only's, they'd have been even sorrier, in the end.
And I totally agree. :)
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Date: 2011-07-04 11:58 pm (UTC)Btw, a small pet peeve of mine, I'm not sure Kid would be called Kid so early. I think he became Kid Curry during their off years. No Offense.
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Date: 2011-07-05 04:21 am (UTC)I'm sure you're right about Kid/Jed and Heyes/Han, but I 'hear' them as Kid and Heyes most of the time, even when they are young. I sorta imagine them going by those names from the orphanage for some reason. :)
thank you for your comment
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Date: 2019-08-31 02:53 pm (UTC)